Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
