Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
