If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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