put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
