"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
