Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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