Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
