Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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