perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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