Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
