We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
