Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
