This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
