dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
