i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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