White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
