i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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