My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i now understand why vodka
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
