i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
