so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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