He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
