is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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