I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
