Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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