If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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