I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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