Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
