i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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