do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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