he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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