And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
