I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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