Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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