The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
