we have officially lost it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
