he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
