You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
