oh god the rape fog is back!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize