wat bout pragnant strippers??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
