So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
