my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
