I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i think i just lost a toe
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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