I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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