I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i came on her dog
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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