Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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