Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
