Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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