Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
