there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
