Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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