um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
