his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
