I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
