He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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