The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
