It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
