Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm really busy with my period
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