she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
