Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
