I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
