I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the day after is always just damage control
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
