respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
