it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
