I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
