I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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