I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
