I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
