If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
