Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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