Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
