ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
