Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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