Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
