She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
