**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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