I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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