Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
