honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
