you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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