There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
