We won't sleep together?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
